Moms Alive!

I miss my girlfriends.

Our family’s move to Northern California has been challenging, as most moves generally are. Now that the initial hubbub of fixing up our house (we installed new bamboo floors ourselves—crazy) and unpacking is over (mostly), we’re left with our routine. Routine is comforting and familiar, but there’s something missing. And that would be our friends.

Sure, my husband has met people through law school, and I’ve met other mothers though parent-toddler groups, but we just haven’t, you know, “bonded” with anyone yet. And because we haven’t felt close enough to anyone to speak of what we’ve gone through as a family (i.e., cancer), we have this feeling of being a bit closeted about who we truly are.

My friends in Los Angeles knew where we had been. There was a peace in knowing that I didn’t have to explain myself to anyone. I didn’t have to launch into a long story about where I got that huge scar or stumble through a conversation about whether my hair is naturally curly (it’s a chemo perm, actually). Now I feel like I’m swimming in half-truths, but I’m not comfortable enough with any of my new relationships to just spill the beans and expose myself. Because, as much as it is therapeutic to talk about our cancer journey, there is a certain vulnerability I feel in opening up to new people in that way. And bringing up cancer is just so, well, heavy.

So I find myself online a lot. I’ve joined groups and am participating in parenting sites more often than I ever used to. Ironically, I’m finding with complete strangers a little bit of that freedom to openly give and get advice—and just plain-old support—that I used to enjoy in the company of my close girlfriends. It’s so fascinating how the Internet can be at once both so anonymous and so intimate.

Where have I been going in my virtual travels? I’ve made the big step of joining a breastfeeding grief support group through MOBI (Mothers Overcoming Breastfeeding Issues). I’m in a good place with processing my own grief over the loss of breastfeeding due to cancer treatment, but I thought it could be wonderful to lend support to other moms just beginning to deal with this issue. There are so many women who have been profoundly affected by this loss and who have had such a hard time finding understanding in their communities. It has been humbling and healing to be a part of this group.

One Web site I’ve been addictively logging on to is Mamasource.com. This Bay Area–based site provides a space where women can post questions about parenting issues they’ve been having and quickly—and I mean quickly—get dozens of answers from other moms who have been there. It’s been fun in a coffee klatch sort of way—kind of like an online moms’ group … with hundreds of other mothers. Interestingly, they have a section for discussions related to cancer and treatment, too.

Anyway, to all my old friends down there in LaLa Land—and you know who you are—I love you and miss you. And to those friends whom I will probably only meet in cyberspace, thank you for being there.